I Do? – C Saunders (March 2026)

Standing there, in the biting wind, Amelia was hit with a sudden sensation that things were never going to be the same again. It wasn’t just the fear she was feeling, nor was it the worry about what people were going to say. It was the wave of sadness that kept washing over her. The devastating thought that she had hurt someone so good, someone who had propped her up when she needed it. However, it had to be done. Things hadn’t felt right for a while now, and today of all days, she had finally acted on that gnawing in her gut. Her dress caught in the wind and swished around like a cloud. She finally made it to a bench where she sat and pulled her coat tighter around herself.

A wedding dress is not the best attire for a day like this, she thought. She had abandoned the veil and headpiece a while back, as a woman in a long white gown is enough of an anomaly on any given day. As she sat on the bench looking out to the sea, she knew was drawing a few quizzical looks. Some were looking round, presumably, for her new husband, or a photographer lurking somewhere trying to get the perfect shot. The shot she was meant to cherish forever.

Amelia took some time to think. She had played the part of the bride on the morning of the ‘best day of her life,’ smiling for photographs, drinking champagne with her two bridesmaids and her mother. She had the make-up artist and hairdresser attend to her, before being helped into her dress by her gushing friends, her mother smiling and hugging her. It was all picture perfect.

But Amelia just knew that it wasn’t right. Upon looking at her reflection, her gut had tightened. Why does this feel wrong? Amelia did not know, but what she knew, for an absolute fact, was that she could not take this any further. She could not marry Andy today, and as devastating as that was for her, it was the only thought that resolved the deep-rooted pain in her chest and untied her knotted stomach.

Once this decision was made, she started planning out exactly what she was going to do. The photographer had already left, and the bridesmaids were heading to the church in one car, with her mother. She waved them off with a smile, one that didn’t quite reach her eyes. Then, she set to work. Changing out of her heels and into the bridal trainers she was due to wear during the evening, she placed her coat carefully over her dress – thinking that it was rather ironic that there was such concern in her mind about creasing this dress that no-one would get the chance to see – and went outside.

Upon seeing the driver smiling cheerfully at the wedding car, she was hit with a sudden pang of guilt. Despite Amelia knowing that this was the right thing to do, she faltered.

“Are you ready?” He asked.

“Yes…I mean…no. I mean…” she started but couldn’t find the words.

“I…need some air…” she said suddenly.

He looked at her, a flash of concern across his face. “Are you okay, love?”

“No…I, can’t do this. I can’t go through with it. This isn’t right” Amelia stammered.

“Ah, it’s just pre-wedding nerves. Everyone gets them. Take a moment, and you’ll be ready” he said, with a care that could be described as fatherly.

With a tight, but grateful smile, Amelia turned and crossed the road, making her way to the small stone bridge that had already been earmarked for post-ceremony photographs. She walked on a little more, conscious that the driver would be watching her. All she needed now was some time, away from prying eyes, away from those who were expecting her. She needed space. Amelia took a seat on a bench and let her gaze drift out to the river, to the bank beyond it, to the other side. As time passed, it became clear that this was the right decision; the clenching in her gut was subsiding, her thoughts were slowing to a steadier pace, and she was altogether more collected than she felt earlier.

What would they be thinking now that she was over an hour late? Amelia reasoned that she should be honest. Walking slowly back to the car, she told the driver that she wasn’t going to the church, that she appreciated him waiting but that she simply couldn’t do it. Awkwardly, he patted her shoulder and departed, leaving Amelia to consider what she should do next. There was no point in lying because she had made the right decision in her mind; it was now a case of telling people that she was safe, and that she needed time to work through this herself. Thoughts flew around her head like fireworks exploding in the sky: wedding guests would be wondering where she was now, her bridesmaids would be starting to plan how to manage this situation, her mother would be constantly checking her watch, worry starting to appear on her face. And Andy…

Amelia snapped back to the present.. The thought of facing all those people, of considering their feelings and answering their questions was all too much at the moment. It had taken all the strength she had to walk away. The next part hadn’t even factored into her thoughts.

Suddenly, her phone buzzed.

And then again.

And again.

Amelia would have to tell people that she was okay, for them not to worry about her. Retrieving her phone from her coat pocket, she studied the messages popping onto her screen. Her mother, her friends, Andy’s mum. . And then, Andy. Unlocking her phone, opening the messages one by one, she scanned them briefly. The thought of replying to each of them was overwhelming – the guilt and apprehension crashing onto her like waves on a shore. Amelia had a love-hate relationship with her phone at the best of times, feeling like it was always demanding a response or some other communication. But now, she knew that this was one of those times where she had to take a breath and face the reality of what was happening. People loved and cared about her – she had to afford them the respect and attention they deserved at this time. Taking a deep breath, she read each message more deeply.

Then, she typed a stock holding response,

I am fine, and I am sorry. Please let me have some time to sort things out, then I’ll explain everything.

As much as she wanted to expand on things, there was one person who needed an explanation before anyone else. Andy. He deserved more than that. She would give him more than that.

The wind had settled by the time she had arrived at their home. The house that they had been so excited about buying, that first nod towards a future that they were building together. Amelia had loved everything about it, from the small front garden that she had lovingly tidied and fixed with seasonal flowers blooming throughout the year, to their red front door – one which they were always going to repaint but never did. Andy never did, and Amelia wondered if it was because he realised how much she loved it. Or was it simply a case of maintaining an easy life? Inside, it was small but cosy. An inviting space that was filled with mementos and memories, intertwined just like their lives had become.

Trying the door, she found it unlocked. A small knot started to form in her stomach and the heaviness returned to settle in her chest. Knowing that this would be the hardest part of today, she entered their house to see Andy’s shoes in the hallway, and his suit jacket hanging on the coat rack.

Taking a step inside, Amelia called out, “Andy.”

There was movement from the living room as Andy stood up from the seat and slowly entered through the doorway. He was wearing jeans and a t-shirt, not the wedding suit that he had carefully selected all those months ago for this day. Amelia suddenly felt rather foolish in her wedding dress and coat, standing there as if she was jilted one. Andy said nothing, only looked at her with a mix of incredulity and sadness.

“Amelia.”

“Andy, I am sorry. I don’t know what to say that will make this better. I’d like to try and explain to you though. If you’ll let me.”

Amelia was grasping in the darkness of this situation, trying to find something to grip onto that would explain why she felt the way she did, what brought her to this decision, and why she acted upon this feeling that she had.

Andy turned and walked through to the living room, with Amelia following. She had always felt like this, as if she was following him into new places and new experiences. Amelia has always been afraid of doing anything that was outside of her comfort zone. Andy had gently encouraged her to be more daring, take more risks and she always felt grateful when he brought her out of that shell she tended to live in. However, she couldn’t live on this path that was defined by him. Her footsteps were slowing and she found herself faced with a new direction to take – a new path where Amelia was taking control and leading the way.

They talked for what felt like hours. Amelia explained where she was, Andy questioned with an abruptness that Amelia could accept, given the situation. The afternoon was moving into evening, and the sun was dipping low. Eventually, they had exhausted themselves talking and saying what needed to come out. Lights were turned on, and with that, the time for talking was done. Amelia stood.

“I need to change.”  She moved out of the room with a soft swishing sound and Andy followed her.

“You’ll need help,” he said matter-of-factly. She nodded slowly, and at that moment all the emotion she had been holding in threatened to rise to the surface. Swallowing hard, she turned and walked upstairs, holding the bottom of the dress up as she ascended the stairway.

Once upstairs, they entered their bedroom. The familiarity of the space was overwhelming and comforting all at once. Standing there, Amelia was aware of a distance growing between them already. The thought of taking the dress off felt like a definite ending; as if with that shedding, she could put this all away in a box, tucked away at the back of a wardrobe, then a loft, and eventually a charity shop.

In her mind, she could tidy this away in some recess of her mind. There was no strength left in her to reflect on the enormity of this moment. She just had to live it and move through it. The back of the dress was a delicate mix of buttons at the top and a zip holding the rest together. After negotiating the buttons with the occasional frustrated sigh, Andy paused, then gently took the zip at the back of the dress. Pulling it carefully, it slid down until it hit the seam. Wordlessly, he turned and left Amelia in the room, closing the bedroom door behind him. She was alone, no longer part of something that was filled with love and support. She felt untethered; apprehensive about the prospect of what this might bring, but completely sure that being alone was the best thing she could be. For how long, Amelia wasn’t sure, all she knew was that this felt painful, but right.

Amelia made her way downstairs, clutching a suitcase and toiletries that she had put together. Andy was waiting there for her, standing at the doorway to the living room as she slowly walked down, step by step. Taking in the house, Amelia knew that this seemingly ordinary moment would forever be a core memory, that this was now a new chapter in her life – the way her story was supposed to be.

She looked at him then with new eyes. Everything about them seemed to be a faded memory, full of beauty and happiness, but memories, nonetheless. He gave her a small smile and instantly she knew that this was right for both. When she smiled back, it was through teary eyes and a pain lodged in her throat. Studying his face carefully, she detected a sense of relief in his eyes.

 Perhaps she had done them both a favour, albeit she might have chosen a less dramatic way to do so. Perhaps the relief she saw was her own reflected back at her, or it was a case of seeing what she wanted to see. Either way, they would never speak of it again, of that she was certain. This was their ending and after the noise of walking out on their wedding day, she was grateful for the quiet of the conclusion to their story.

Walking to the door, he followed her. She opened it, turned one last time and walked out into the night. Hearing the door click shut behind her, she walked down the path, out of the gate, and cried. There would be a time to grieve but now, it was time to move on.